A few years back, when my cousin passed, I had a dream about him. In this dream, I had the sense he was okay in a realm beyond this one. We hugged and laughed and joked with each other, and that is how I will always remember him.

Also in the dream, there was an endless hallway of doors, to my left and right. Every door had a key already in the lock. I took this to mean that I can enter any door I choose, and at any time. The keys are always readily accessible to open infinite possibilities.

Such a groovy sentiment.

As time has progressed, I have been reminded that the doors and keys work both ways. These entries are also exits, meant to both open and close.

I like opening doors. I do not like closing metaphorical doors. However, some doors must be closed and locked, despite my best efforts or intentions.

I must be in alignment with my own moral compass, highest self, and highest purpose to allow myself to evolve.

Today was a groovy step. With nervous excitement, I received the key to a level of Freedom that I have only thought about nigh on 21 years. I will be sharing a space with another LMT in a local wellness clinic, only 10 minutes from home.

There is still much for me to do to prepare for the next steps in this daunting journey. The most important thing, though, is to keep doing what I can with what I have.

I am in a unique chapter in my life and in the community I call home. I am tasked with stepping so far out of my comfort zone that my anxiety has overwhelmed me most days lately.

Last Monday I spoke in front of a group of over 60 people at the Afro-American Club of Citrus County (AACCC – afro-americanclub.org). I rejoined the club this year after an extended post-pandemic hiatus. I am now part of the membership committee. We are a non-profit that honors the legacy and contributions of African Americans in Citrus County. The organization was established in 1989 to help with fellowship in the community and provide scholarships to high school seniors. This year was the first year we also provided a public service scholarship, and that will be awarded to an aspiring fire fighter in the next few weeks.

When I was a girl, in congregation, girls and women were not allowed to address the audience from the stage. That was the role of boys and men. The most I was allowed to do was to have a talk-show style interaction with another sister. I received applause almost every time, and that felt good. I had something to say, but I was fit into a specific box to be allowed to say it.

In hindsight, this is probably part of my fear of public speaking and making eye contact with large groups. I excel much better in one-on-one interactions. I am actively working on that, to build my confidence.

Because now, I have something more to say.

With the AACCC, I am one of the youngest members by decades. I am numerically in the middle of watching multiple generations do their thing here in Citrus County and online globally.

At my insurance job, I am training someone younger that did not know what an asterisk was. I understand the youngins now are being taught differently than when I was in grade school, so I have to be mindful of who I am addressing.

With some of the folks in the AACCC, I am honored to help them with their technology concerns, so I will also be lending a hand with their social media. (I do not even focus enough on my own social media, but I shall add that to my list).

(I know this written entry seems to be all over the place, but it will come together soon, I promise!)

In April, I joined the Citrus Makerspace (citrusmakerspace.com). I am learning woodworking (or wood-playing to me) and have explored with the laser printer, CNC machine, table saw, 3D printer, CAD design, and now embroidery. So, in addition to teaching people of different age groups about the things I am skilled at, I am learning new things that I know little to nothing about (yet).

I have become my father. WTF! A daughter’s other dream, I guess?

In order to lead, one absolutely must follow.

I could always sew a button or hem, manually, but I do not recall ever using a sewing machine. Last week, I listened to the embroidery instructor (my namesake, gotta love a woman named Kim!) as she patiently guided fellow members on the Baby Lock machine features and design possibilities. It was an excellent lesson in remembering how to be a student: have patience with self, do not jump ahead, and remember: I do not know anything (yet, but I will).

I can use what I learned in the class, not just for embroidery, but also in recognizing the perspectives of different learning and teaching styles.

A fun part about the Makerspace is most of us are learning as we go. My initial goal is to be proficient enough with the laser machine and software to be one of the resident experts. I will venture into the woodshop when it cools down. This industrial area is chronically well beyond the temperature limit for my Michigan blood.

I have also connected with the Citrus Wellness Seekers, Inc. (citruswellness.org) another non-profit. We host an annual expo in the spring, and that time is rapidly approaching. There are only a few vendor spots remaining. The median age for Citrus County is 57 years, and this organization educates residents about holistic approaches to health and self-care. I was immediately elected Treasurer upon joining, so hey, that is a groovy vote of confidence in my direction.

Speaking of the age of the population ‘round these here parts, I am confident in saying that in some of my interactions with folks, some people are unfamiliar with diversity. That is the politest way I can think to say it at the moment.

My charge is to connect with people therapeutically, meet them at their level of understanding, and guide those who are willing the rest of the way. To where exactly? That is a groovy question, and we will know when we get there.

I am working a full-time job, a part-time job, finally starting my business, supporting two non-profits, and making time to play, sleep, exercise, and sleep some more.

My inner voice reminds me often that I am doing great, and to keep going. There is much more to be accomplished. Like more sleep.